Pavement Diving Is Not My Best Event

On May 28, I blithely strolled the streets of Chicago and stepped in a missing sidewalk square.  My right toe caught the edge as I stepped out, and momentum carried me forward.  I lunged several steps, trying to regain my balance, but my shoulder bag (with my iPad and other weighty items) threw me off balance.  All 230-ish pounds of me crashed in a face-down baseball slide, arms outstretched like Superman, onto the ChiTown pavement.

Credit: Sandro Giordano (Instagram)

Credit: Sandro Giordano (Instagram)

Fortunately my husband was only a step or two behind, and stayed with me as the dizziness of shock dispelled.  Eventually he pulled me to my feet with my left arm (I protect my right arm after radiation damaged its nerves) and he steadied me as we wandered to our hotel, followed by a solicitous street sweeper who insisted the pavement would be repaired immediately.

Heck of a way to end our anniversary celebration, much less start a five-day conference (ASCO) in which I daily log 3-4 miles of walking.

At the hotel, I discovered I’d skinned my bare left elbow as well as my right kneecap (despite being covered by jeans and compression hose), and my shoulder hurt.  I hadn’t noticed any pain before.  I wondered aloud if my neuropathic tootsies perhaps contributed to the fall, then applied bandaids over the raw skin and iced the joints.  The iPad seemed unfazed.

The next morning, my knee was bruised, but supported my weight and allowed me to walk comfortably. However, my shoulder didn’t want to move or be touched.  Putting on a bra became an Olympic challenge, only slightly more difficult than pulling on pants and a t-shirt. I didn’t use the arm much for the rest of the week.

Two days after we returned home from Chicago, I saw my primary care provider. He said the knee was healing, but suspected a rotator cuff tear in my left shoulder.  An orthopedic specialist  ordered an MRI.  

The good news:  the shoulder shows no torn tendons or muscles, just a bad bone bruise, tendon strain, and a ton of inflammation. I came very close to breaking my shoulder (the socket does have a tiny crack), but no surgery is necessary. The shoulder gets four weeks rest in a sling, then physical therapy.

The bad news: since I’m on warfarin, I can’t take anti-inflammatories (NSAIDs), and I can’t have a cortisone shot to reduce the inflammation because the bone won’t heal properly. I can have Tylenol and, if I need it, Vicodin (which, thankfully, my clinical trial allows me to take).

To celebrate, I bought myself a rolling case for my PC, and washed sports bras to wear the next few weeks.

Yet (despite my dramatic retelling) the entire episode seems no more disruptive than a scratch.  I will recover.  Life goes on, with only a temporary adjustments in activities and few hours lost in the clinic.  Compared to cancer, this is a minor bump in the road. Or a dip in the sidewalk.

So what if pavement diving isn’t my best event?  I’m damn awesome at living.

What’s the best part of National Cancer Survivors Day?

To celebrate National Cancer Survivors Day, I’m sharing a recent picture of me with Linnea Olson, a sister metastatic lung cancer patient and one of the bloggers (Outliving Lung Cancer) who inspired me to become a lung cancer blogger and advocate.  She and I are both alive thanks to research and clinical trials.  As Linnea phrased it on Twitter, … read more

Reflections on a Cancerversary

Today is my fourth cancerversary.  Four years ago–May 10, 2011–I first heard a confirmed diagnosis of lung cancer.  On cancerversaries I review events of the past year and assess how I’ve spent my time.  I’m not looking to pat myself on the back for my accomplishments, or check locations off a travel list.  I’m looking to see if I stayed focused on what means the most to me, and whether I need to adjust my priorities.  My time is too precious to waste… continue reading 

My drug is a breakthrough!

Woohoo!  My clinical trial drug may get FDA approval soon!   It’s about time.

The clinical trial in which I participate has been running for over three years.  I take Xalkori (crizotinib) for my ROS1-positive non-small cell lung cancer.  Early phase clinical trial results  announced last year show around 72% of patients experienced measurable shrinkage of their tumors, and another 12% achieved stability.  This is remarkable, considering most chemos have a response rate around 20%.

The average crizotinib response lasted about 17 months, with half of the patients still responding when the data was collected for the journal article.  I personally know at least four people (including me) who responses have lasted over two years (two of them are not on the trial).

Today Pfizer announced it had received US FDA “breakthrough” designation for Xalkori treatment of ROS1+ non-small cell lung cancer.  This means it is on the fast track for FDA approval for treatment of ROS1 NSCLC (after already being approved for treatment of a different lung cancer mutation).

My marvelous clinical trial drug may finally get FDA approval.   It’s sort of moot, in a way, because the evidence of its effectiveness is so outstanding that most US insurance companies are already paying for crizotinib treatment of ROS1 NSCLC.  But it is still cool.

Pfizer Receives U.S. FDA Breakthrough Therapy Designation For XALKORI® (crizotinib) For The Treatment Of Patients With ROS1-Positive Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer

Coincidentally, I have my clinical trial appointment today, and I’ll be talking with one of the lead investigators (my oncologist, Dr. Ross Camidge) about what this announcement means for those of us still on the trial.

Escaping the Shadow

The holiday season can be difficult for cancer patients and their loved ones. It’s tough to be merry while dealing with treatment side effects or wondering whether one will be alive this time next year.
By the end of November this year, I’d hit a low point. My energy had waned, oppressed by the shorter days and gray skies of Seattle and a general sense of ill health. My cough had increased, stirring fears of recurrence. My writing muse had burned out after weeks of intensive Lung Cancer Awareness Month activities.

Then, within one week, two lung cancer buddies died, and a third friend died of metastatic breast cancer days after being diagnosed. I kept vigil with her family as her lungs failed from obstructive pneumonia–a scenario that was far too familiar. The shadow of my own Ghost of Christmas Future loomed, and holiday lights did nothing to brighten it.

In a rare moment of prescience last summer, my family had planned the perfect remedy for me … read more on my Cure Today blog

Club Regina balcony view

Image credit:
Creative Commons License
JFD20141220-CancunClubRegina by Janet Freeman-Daily is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

Lessons Learned on a Yucatán Vacation

Tulum ruins and beach

  • Arriving at the Cancun airport requires tolerance for chaos.  On the other hand, it’s a great place to meet persuasive people who want to take you places.
  • Treat all red octagonal “ALTO” road signs as recommendations.
  • Hearing “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” simultaneously with the pounding of ocean surf on fine sand creates serious cognitive dissonance.
  •  (air conditioning)+(incomplete door seal)+(tropical thunderstorm) = damp musty bedding
  • 92% relative humidity leaves fascinating streaks in excess sunscreen.
  • Uncontrolled experiments prove UBF50 swimwear protects you longer in the ocean than the waterproof sunscreen you put on your face.
  • Standing in the surf provides a feast of sensory delights — if you keep your mouth shut.
  • White sand beaches migrate into hotel rooms.
  • A Spanish-English dictionary app radically reduces time spent ordering and shopping for food.
  • When boiling tap water for drinking the next morning, the kitchen timer is your friend.
  • Tropical tours that depart early in the morning will reduce exposure to heat and cheap souvenirs.
  • Lisa Simpson becomes an alto in Spanish. That’s just wrong.
  • According to my blistered toes, those newly-rediscovered sandals I packed were lost for a reason.
  • Every breakfast buffet should feature chocolate sauce for omelets.
  • Departing from the Cancun airport requires running an upscale shopping gauntlet.
  • Ending a tropical vacation with an aerial view of the Northern Lights is pure awesomeness.

Image credit: Creative Commons License
Tulum Ruins and Beach by Janet Freeman-Daily is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

A Lung Cancer ePatient Story

Last Friday, November 7, I spoke at Virginia Mason Medical Center’s Grand Rounds on the topic of “Lung Cancer in Non-Smokers.”  Grand Rounds is a common teaching tool in medical facilities that helps healthcare providers stay current and provide the best possible care.   In our one-hour session, my pulmonologist Dr. Steven Kirtland talked about the epidemiology of non-smoker lung cancer (its frequency, possible causes, patient demographics), I shared my epatient story, and my oncologist Dr. Joseph Rosales talked about lung cancer mutation testing and targeted therapies.   You can see my 20-minute presentation below.

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Standing in line at Starbucks

© Janet Freeman-Daily

 

In Seattle, home of Starbucks, everyone drinks coffee. Can YOU tell which of them has lung cancer? In this picture, it’s the person on the far right: me.

In March 2011, I was healthy, a bit overweight, and exercising regularly. However, I’d had a nagging cough for a few months. To make my husband happy, I mentioned the cough to our doctor. Two months, two rounds of antibiotics, one x-ray, and a bronchoscopy later, I spent a very anxious four days waiting for biopsy results.

When I heard, “lung cancer,” I could barely believe the diagnosis. I called my sister to tell her the news, poured a big glass of wine, and lost myself in a favorite science fiction movie.

I had never lived with smokers, never worked in a smoking environment, never smoked anything (except a salmon). I knew nothing about lung cancer.  The facts I found online were not encouraging.  As we moved through the various staging procedures, my family and I experienced increasing levels of fear:

  • “It’s OK, it’s just one tumor. VATS surgery will probably take care of it.”
  • “Well, OK, lymph nodes are involved, but still inside one lung. We can remove the lung, right?” (OMG)
  • “There’s a lymph node between the lungs, severe inflammation and obstructive pneumonia. Stage 3a. No surgery.” This is serious. After my mediastinoscopy, my sister left the hospital convinced I was dying.

I was reassured to hear Dr, Rosales say he considered me curable. I was eager to start aggressive lung cancer treatment. But the universe, it seemed, objected to the treatment plan. The interior of my tumor had died and become colonized by bacteria. Even though we finally found an antibiotic that knocked out the infection, my recovery took weeks. During that time, I developed a clot on my PICC line and required daily self-injected blood thinner. Heaven forbid I should be a boring, vanilla cancer patient! I worried my lung cancer was growing while I waited to start treatment.

I hit bottom a few days after my second bronchoscopy. I awoke at 3 AM coughing up a lot of blood, and Dr. Kirtland told me to go to the ER.  I was released later that morning, just in time to drive 30 miles to my first radiation treatment.  The linear accelerator was down two hours for repairs, but I did eventually get zapped.  My husband and I drove to a nearby restaurant for a very late lunch, and came out to find our car had a flat tire.  Not a very reassuring start.

The next few months revolved around my daily appointments. Perhaps the toughest part was telling my autistic adopted son that he might lose another mother to cancer.  My bucket list became laser-focused on helping him prepare to live on his own.  Despite fatigue and severe esophagitis, I was able to attend my niece’s wedding a month later.  You haven’t lived until you’ve had Ahi tuna encrusted in coffee beans–pureed for a liquid diet.  At one point I was taking ten different meds to control pain and side effects.  My butt was dragging, my blood values tanked after one full dose of chemo, and I broke out in hives during my second red cell transfusion. But gradually, I started feeling better.

It all seemed worthwhile when my first post-treatment CT scan showed my lymph nodes had resolved and the primary tumor had shrunk about 90%. I wanted that tumor OUT, if possible.  I had 15 appointments in 16 days to determine if the surgery would be an acceptable risk–we only had a short window in which to do surgery before radiation changes would make it too risky.  Juggling that schedule generated a lot of additional stress —  my family’s life revolved completely around my cancer.  I wished Virginia Mason had a Lung Cancer Navigator to coordinate all the appointments between seven different professionals at four different facilities, communicate results, explain terms and options in more detail, and ensure timely follow-up.  The last procedure, a PET scan, showed a hot spot on my collarbone.  Dr. Kirtland quickly arranged an MRI scan for the next morning, and a surgical open biopsy on the following day.  To find the tiny suspicious lymph node, the surgeon used an innovative combination of FDG tracer and a Geiger counter.   Two nodes contained cancer.

Grand Rounds 4

I was now a metastatic lung cancer patient. The panic bowled me over like a 50-foot wave.  Alone at home, I became a puddle of hopelessness–for about an hour.  Then I shifted gears and got busy asking questions in an online lung cancer forum.  The support I received there was essential for maintaining hope while I processed my new diagnosis.  They helped me accept there was no point undergoing a risky lung surgery with a tough recovery when it wouldn’t cure me.

Together Dr. Rosales and I decided to start a new chemo after a couple of months, to give me time to recover from my first line treatment. I appreciated that he listened to my concerns about the delay, and that he was careful not to give me an expiration date that might take away hope. I didn’t want to die before applying for my Boeing pension, so I asked how long I had left.  Dr. Rosales estimated about two years.

In the next ten weeks, my mother died, I started taking prednisone for radiation pneumonitis, and a new three-inch tumor grew very visibly on my collarbone. My extended family gathered for what we thought might be my last Thanksgiving.  I had no desire to celebrate Christmas that year.  My most memorable gifts were a newly-installed power port and a hint that my hair was coming in curly.

In my online lung cancer forum, I learned about a clinical trial called the Lung Cancer Mutation Consortium Protocol. It tested lung cancer tumor tissue for mutations in ten different genes. I consulted with my Virginia Mason doctors, but they hadn’t heard of it.  I found the trial listing on clinicaltrials.gov, then contacted the trial sites until I found one accepting patients. The University of Colorado Cancer Center agreed to test my existing biopsy samples even though I could not fly to Denver due to concerns my hollow primary tumor might cause a pneumothorax.  My entire team was disappointed when all tests were negative.  I continued networking with experienced lung cancer patients, and when Dr. Rosales and I discussed chemo options, I suggested Avastin based on some new research.  We mutually agreed on Alimta plus Avastin–he was willing to be more aggressive in my treatment because he knew I understood the risks.

Ten days after I started the new chemo in January, my collarbone tumor was visibly shrinking. I was extremely encouraged despite a sudden worsening of my pneumonitis and my new appreciation for ‘roid rage.  Still, I was glad to finish chemo after six rounds–I was losing my voice frequently, and towards the end I felt like I always had the flu.  I began to understand how some people could decide to stop cancer treatment.  But I couldn’t argue with the results:  all the original tumors were gone, the new tumor had shrunk 90%, and no new tumors appeared. We  decided to treat this one remaining tumor as an oligo-recurrence and go for a possible cure — radiation therapy might knock my cancer out for good.  My skin burned raw, but I made it through.

The next PET scan showed no activity around my collarbone. Yay!  However…it also showed two new nodules in my “good” lung, both outside the radiation field.  Seems I progress whenever I stop chemo.  Another bronchoscopy was scheduled two weeks out, after my husband and I returned from a weekend with my nephew in Denver.

Grand Rounds 5

© University of Colorado Cancer Center (used with permission)

 

Here’s where the tone of my story changes.

Months before, one of my online lung cancer friends told me of a new mutation called ROS1. I fit the profile of typical patients who had it, and a Phase 1 ROS1 trial still had slots left, but only a lab in Boston could test for it. No one at Virginia Mason knew about it.  On my last full day in Denver, I realized the University of Colorado Cancer Center was not far from my nephew’s house.  I might be able to personally thank the people who had helped me get my previous mutation testing done. I sent an email Sunday afternoon, and was amazed to get an email back that evening saying I could meet the next day with Dr. Bunn, the Center’s Director. He told me they could now test for additional mutations, including ROS1. I gave him permission to test my remaining slides.

A week later, Dr. Kirtland performed a bronchoscopy on the larger of my new nodules. He got a good sample, but couldn’t find any cancer cells. The biopsied nodule could be inflammation, BOOP, or cancer. The other nodule was too small to biopsy.

The very next day, Dr. Bunn emailed me to say I had “an impressive ROS1 rearrangement” and University of Colorado had an opening in a crizotinib trial for me, if I wanted it. Crizotinib is a twice-daily pill that targets cells expressing certain mutations, including ROS1. It produced a terrific response rate in the initial trial with substantially fewer side effects than chemo for most patients. He also said I could join the trial later if I didn’t have active cancer now. I was so excited that I almost screwed up forwarding the email to Dr. Rosales.

The following morning, Dr. Rosales called, also excited by my ROS1 news. If the new nodule was cancer, he agreed I should enter the ROS1 trial rather than start taking Alimta.

That afternoon, Dr. Kirtland called. He had taken my case to the Tumor Board, and their consensus said the biopsied nodule was radiation changes. I was to restart prednisone.  (My husband asked, “What will he give ME when YOU restart steroids?”)  In a month I would have a CT to determine if the nodules responded to prednisone, or continued growing.  I’d come to accept that living with stage IV lung cancer brought uncertainties, but that didn’t make the waiting easier.

The CT scan showed the larger nodule had not changed, but the smaller nodule had grown nearly fifty percent. The good news was that I could once again ramp down off prednisone.  The bad news was that the smaller nodule was likely cancer–I needed to either restart Alimta, or join the crizotinib trial.

Grand Rounds 6

I was on the phone the next morning to the University of Colorado, inquiring about how to join the ROS1 trial. Their doctors said I might be able to join the trial without having another biopsy.  Virginia Mason medical records and radiology really hustled to pull my records together.  After four days, I was flying to Denver with the intention of staying until I was accepted into the trial, and wondering why the heck I was traveling a thousand miles away from my home and family to try an experimental cancer treatment that might not work.  My concerns were not eased by the delays caused by Hurricane Sandy, which shut down the trial sponsor Pfizer’s headquarters in New York City during my screening period.  My acceptance into the trial came at the last possible minute.

I took my first crizotinib pill two years ago last Thursday. My first scan eight weeks later showed both nodules were gone, indicating they likely were both cancer.  As of last Monday’s scan, I have had No Evidence of Disease (known to cancer patients as “NED”) for 22 months and counting. I may be able to stay on this drug for months or years longer. Yet targeted therapies like the one I take do not offer a permanent cure. In time I’ll probably develop resistance to the drug.  There IS no cure for metastatic lung cancer.  No one can say how long I will live.  Sometimes that weirds me out.  Yet I’m hopeful that when this trial drug stops working, another clinical trial will be a good match for me.

Grand Rounds 7

It’s an odd existence, living from scan to scan in eight-week increments. I still sometimes experience scanxiety, as we patients call it.  I often hide out in the bedroom for days before a scan so my scanxiety doesn’t bite anyone.  There is no logical reason for this feeling.  My scans have been clean for months, and I have no symptoms that would indicate the next scan should be any different.  If I do have a recurrence, I know I have some treatment options.  Even if I had no treatment options, I am not afraid of dying.  Apparently my subconscious simply overpowers my conscious positive thoughts.  It probably doesn’t help that whenever I’m leaving for a scan, my son hugs me hard and says, “Please don’t die Please don’t die Please don’t die.”

Several events conspired to give me severe scanxiety a year ago. It felt like a panic attack. Not only was the timing near the anniversaries of my two cancer recurrences, but a friend on a targeted therapy had developed brain mets weeks after a brain MRI, a neighbor had died when her lung cancer spread to her brain covering, and the online ROS1 buddy who had first told me about my clinical trial appeared to be progressing after two years on crizotinib.  A network of lung cancer patients provides invaluable support, but it requires accepting that friends will die frequently.

Grand Rounds 8

I feel overwhelmingly grateful for everything and everyone that has helped me survive as long as I have: medical science that discovered new ways to treat my condition, compassionate healthcare providers at Virginia Mason and in Denver, insurance that paid for most of my care, family and friends who supported me, a knowledgeable online lung cancer community, and all the prayers and good wishes lifting me up throughout my cancer journey.  I’m acutely aware that many lung cancer patients do not have these supports and opportunities.

Being given a second chance at life, however long it might be, tends to give one a different perspective. Seeing the sunset paint Mount Rainier fills my heart.  Chatting with my sister over a latte keeps me smiling for a week.

A second chance at life also makes one introspective. Why was I spared when others died?  Why does my mutation have an effective treatment when others don’t? Why am I able to see one of the best lung cancer doctors in the world when many patients can’t afford proper treatment? Why am I still here?

I had been blessed with gifts that helped me survive my cancer journey thus far. In my previous career of aerospace engineering, I was a “translator” of sorts: I researched science and technology developments and helped others understand their benefits.  Thanks to these skills,  I’m able to understand lung cancer treatments and research. I’m able to explain what I’ve learned, both verbally and in writing, in everyday terms. And I’m able to advocate for myself with healthcare providers.

I have chosen to use these gifts to help other lung cancer patients by going public with my lung cancer in my blog, in online forums, and in public speaking.  Most patients don’t know about the new treatments like the one I’m taking–even some doctors don’t know. Lung cancer patients need more than compassion. They need information about second opinions, mutation testing, side effects, treatment options, and clinical trials.  They need HOPE.

Lung cancer people     Breast Cancer People

Going public has also helped more people understand that ANYONE with lungs can get lung cancer—and NO ONE deserves to die from it. Lung cancer kills about as many people as the other top four cancers combined, yet it receives fewer federal research dollars per death than any of them.  Why is that?  Are lung cancer patients not worth saving?  The answer becomes clear when you google the words “lung cancer people.” No throngs of ribboned supporters; few smiling survivors.  You see diseased lungs, death … and smoking.  Lung cancer has an image problem.  The first question I hear when I mention my disease is: “Did you smoke?” People blame patients for getting lung cancer. The breast cancer community has changed how the world sees their disease. The lung cancer community must do the same.  We’ve all done things that impact our health.  Yes, it’s healthier not to smoke.  But it’s not a sin that warrants the death penalty.

puffy feet

© Janet Freeman-Daily

 

Precision medicine allows me to live with lung cancer as a chronic illness instead of a death sentence. True, it’s not the same life I had Before Cancer. I can’t do the active sports that I used to do.  Chemotherapy left me with peripheral neuropathy and cognitive changes.  Radiation scarred my lungs and damaged the nerve bundle for my right arm. A year of steroids packed on the fat while decreasing muscle tone.  Crizotinib causes edema and graces me with antisocial gut behaviors. Some combination of side effects keeps my red blood cell count just below normal. When I exercise on the treadmill, I can’t get manage a brisk walk for more than 30 seconds without breathing fast and hard.

Image Credit: Stephanie Jarstad

Image Credit: Stephanie Jarstad

I’m not complaining, mind you–I’m happy to be alive and have a relatively normal life on targeted therapy. It even allowed me to play a casual game of softball in Cheney Stadium at my 40th high school reunion. The moment I put the glove on my left hand, my body recalled those years on the softball diamond. After some initial fumbles, I could catch, throw, pitch and hit. And I got to first base before the ball did.  I could not have even reached first base while on chemo.

As a three-year lung cancer survivor, I’ve already lived beyond my prognosis. I will stay with targeted therapy and other clinical trials as long as my quality of life makes it worthwhile. Lung cancer research has found more new treatments in the past few years than ever before, and the pace of discoveries is accelerating.  As people begin to realize that ANYONE can get lung cancer (including never smokers like me), the stigma will hopefully begin to fade, and research funding will increase.

We lung cancer patients deserve hope, and a cure. Every one of us.

Movie Music Magic

Yesterday I saw the Seattle Symphony perform a Pops concert titled “The Movie Music of John Williams.”  Being a science fiction fan, I knew many of the movies well: Superman, Jurassic Park, Jaws, E.T., Raiders of the Lost Ark, Star Wars.  I was in heaven.  Who cared the Seattle Seahawks were playing nearby?

The Conductor talked a bit about each composition, and explained a movie theme evolves through conversations between the filmmaker and the composer. On the suggestion of the conductor, I focused on the feeling imparted by the music as I reflected on the plot of each movie. The writer in me recognized a lot of foreshadowing and definition of characters. For example, the Superman theme was upbeat and heroic. Indiana Jones conveyed adventure and romance. Actually, a lot of the music had an epic/heroic feel–Williams used some common structures in the different compositions.

The Casablanca Suite (composed by Max Steiner) even suggested the Moroccan setting.  I imagine that would be a bit tougher with Star Wars.  What musical phrasing would suggest an alien planet like Tattooine?

Interestingly, the Jurassic Park theme created an image of a magnificent park full of amazing dinosaurs, but gave no hint the magnificence would eat anyone. I wonder if Spielberg told Williams not to reveal that part of the movie?

The conductor also had some fun speculating about early Spielberg-Williams conversations on the Jaws theme.
Spielberg: So how’s the theme coming?
Williams: Well, I’ve got this so far. [plays the single bass note which starts the infamous DUH-duh-DUH-duh]
I couldn’t help it. I found myself imagining Spielberg responding, “We’re gonna need a bigger note.”  My husband had no clue why I was giggling.

At the end of the evening, I indulged my inner geek and had my picture taken with some denizens of the lobby. It was MAHvelous to immerse myself in music and stories I love and forget all about lung cancer for a few hours.

JEF and Star Wars at the Symphony

Why I’m Behind on My Patient Advocacy Projects

Today is a relatively typical day.  I’ve been up for 2.5 hours.  I haven’t tackled any major projects yet. Why?

6:50–7:20 AM
Wake up a few minutes before the alarm, take anti-reflux pill, check email, get up, step on scale, be bummed (again) about my post-cancer-treatment weight gain, resolve to spend at least 30 minutes on the treadmill this afternoon, brush cats

7:20-8:20 AM
Get dressed, help with family breakfast, help son get ready for school, help hubby with shopping list, eat breakfast (had to wait an hour after taking anti-reflux pill), log food intake in LoseIt! (only 360 calories for breakfast–yay!), take cancer pills, check Twitter, pet cats

8:20-8:45 AM
Load dishwasher, have several writing ideas flood into my head while washing big pots, clean up mess I made on the counter while distracted by writing ideas, realize my chemobrain has forgotten all writing ideas, play with cats

8:45-9:20 AM
Check Facebook while drinking milk/coffee, look at pile of urgent family paperwork, decide I should start on a lung cancer advocacy article, go see what cat is playing with, write blog post instead (with feline oversight)

But the day is young, the cats are now napping, and coffee is kicking in.  I still have hope I shall actually accomplish something today.

Oh, look, the hummingbird feeder is empty …

 

Relax, Recoup and Regroup

Today is my day to relax, recoup and regroup.  Just for today.

Yesterday I pitched, hit, threw, and ran (a very short distance) in a relaxed, laughter-filled softball game at my 40th high school reunion in Tacoma’s Cheney Stadium.  Both during the game and the reunion dinner in the evening, I had a chance to visit with people who grew up with me.  I appreciated renewing and reinforcing friendships, especially since I likely will not be around for my 50th reunion.  As the “Faithful Scribe” of the Reunion and Softball Committees, it was a wonderful to see so many people enjoy the months of work that went into making these events happen.  I was also surprised (and pleased) to learn how many classmates have been following my lung cancer journey on my blog.  It was a terrific day!

My sister Karen and me with Rhubarb, mascot of Tacoma Rainiers Baseball in Cheney Stadium
My sister Karen and me with Rhubarb, mascot of Tacoma Rainiers Baseball in Cheney Stadium

Now that the reunion is over, I’ve hit a turning point in the summer.  The looming deadlines imposed by outside events and projects have been met.  In addition to helping plan my high school reunion, I have been up to my eyeballs in lung cancer patient advocacy projects over the past three months:  working on the first-ever LUNG FORCE walk, collaborating with a group of metastatic patients on changes in lung cancer treatment guidelines, attending the big ASCO clinical oncology meeting in Chicago, preparing and giving speeches at conferences and events, writing articles and guest blog posts, and generating panel proposals about lung cancer for upcoming medical conferences.  Somewhere in there, I wrote blog posts, contributed to #LCSM Chat activities, researched new lung cancer developments, and communicated online with others in the lung cancer community.  I’m reminded why I’ve been feeling stressed this summer!

So, just for today, I’m resting up from all that exercise and socializing at the reunion, as well as reviewing what I want to do next.  I still have a long list of projects that don’t have externally-imposed deadlines.  I don’t handle pressure as well as I did before cancer (not that I handled it particularly well before) and need to wind down a bit and set priorities before jumping back into action.

And I MUST jump back into action.  I feel a pressing need to complete family and advocacy tasks ASAP, while I am able.  Even though I’m feeling pretty good right now, I can’t forget that my cancer might recur at any time, and people—including my friends—are dying of this disease every day.

But for now, I’ll bask in the fact that I just wrote blog post #100 for Gray Connections.

Tomorrow hubby Gerry and I start cleaning out the garage for the first time in 22 years.  No stress there.