Today my college and grad school textbooks become property of Friends of the Library. I hope they find another loving home while raising funds for library activities.

The books were cleared out to make space for exercise equipment, which helps me combat the side effects of cancer treatment and helps other family members stay healthy. I’m not using the books, and if I hold onto them too long, they’ll become obsolete and useless to anyone else (if they haven’t done so already).

I know I will never have cause to do complex variable calculus, satellite design, digital signal processing, systems engineering, microwave remote sensing or data fusion again. However, it’s still hard to let go of those books. It’s like shutting a door on twenty years of my life.

Part of me fears that when my cancer progresses and my brain gets fuzzier, I will forget my years of aerospace engineering. Not all of it was good, but lots of it was fun. I’m feeling anticipatory grief. Guess I need to find a less bulky way to stimulate my recall of those times.

Just as I have to clear physical space to help my physical body cope with lung cancer, I must clear mental space for new activities that support me in this phase of my life. Now writings on cancer genetics, cell biology, and new treatment discoveries fill my thoughts and give me hope.

The decluttering continues.